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To Thine own Self be True – Polonius’s of Instagram

To Thine Own Self be True

I recently joined the world of social media. I'd put off this inevitable step for quite some time. The reach of social media is incredible. It's brilliant in terms of being able to get one’s message to masses. However, I was immediately struck, and a bit disturbed, by the amount of ‘advice-giving’, underlined with a catchy quote or two. A quote that seems to boomerang back and forth on Instagram caught my eye: “to thine own self be true”.

There's something alluring about the crafty phrase: “to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”. The sentence drives home the universal theme of deriving meaning from authentic living and what advice could be more intoxicating than to be true to yourself? After all, if I'm true to myself then I'll never be a liar, a cheat, a thief, or any other sort of scoundrel. I'll be protected by my authentic ‘goodness’. I'll be better than any other, and safe from the terror of social punishment in all of its forms.

What a cunning way for Shakespeare to poke fun at 21st century social media self-help gurus. Obviously, I’m not being literal but this phrase is testament to how the wordsmith recognised, even in the 16th century, the damage that can be done by marrowless dimwits, hellbent on preaching ‘wise words’.

For those of you reading this and who are not familiar with the play, Hamlet, the phrase was part of a speech by a character called Polonius to his son, Laertes. In the speech, Polonius - king Claudius’ (murderer of Hamlet senior) right hand man - is attempting to impart a list of ‘wisdom’ to his son before he leaves for university. Polonius is portrayed by Shakespeare as arguably the most naïve, self-unaware, and foolish character in the play who meets his end at the hands of Hamlet. He meets his end as he spies on the psychologically tormented main character, while hiding behind a curtain. Hamlet, thinking Polonius was Claudius, drives a sword into the craven fool, killing him in error. To thine own self be true indeed.

The contradictions between Polonius’ words and his actions are palpable, and it's eventually his actions that lead to his death, while also possibly contributing to the later death of his son. Polonius was clearly one of the most inauthentic characters in the play who wreaked havoc on others from his inability to think critically and to see what was right in from of him including Claudius’ treachery and Ophelia’s (his daughter) emotional pain. It could be said that both Polonius’ ignorance and arrogance contributed to the play’s tragedy.

So, what has all of this to do with 21st century ‘self-help artists’? In short, a lot. But first, let me say that this piece of writing could be interpreted as my own frustrations as a psychotherapist during the 2020s: a time when five quick tips to anything seems to be the order of the day; a time when depth can only be achieved through an often brutal and regressive encounter with psychedelics; a time when it seems fashionable to deconstruct any hierarchical structure and replace it with nothing; a time when wisdom has been replaced by meaningless phrases vomited onto social media pages; and a time when psychology is in the process of losing its essence as the study of the soul and counter weight to social indoctrination, while fast becoming another cog in both the identity politics and corporate propaganda machines.

Back to Shakespeare - 'to thine own self be true'. Firstly, there's a major difference between being true to the self and knowing the self. I would assume that it'd be a good idea to come to some sort of recognition of the self before automatically being ‘true’ to it. The self is made up of a complex assortment of feelings, thoughts, and behaviours – conscious and unconscious. The self is not only your personality but rather your experience of your personality in the world as it is reflected against others: the observer and what you can observe in you. It would, therefore, be a good idea to explore it, and to understand it, before mistaking a fleeting thought, emotion, or recurring behaviour for its truth.

Polonius puts the cart before the horse so to speak. To thine own self- defence-mechanisms be true. Polonius' son, Laertes, is true to his unexamined suspicions and rage, which then contributes to his death. Perhaps a better piece of advice to Laertes would have been, “… go and figure out who you are. Take your time with this task and be curious about what your experiences mean to you … use your own internal experiences to guide you in what goals are worthwhile to pursue or not. Discriminate well between who has your best interests at heart and who does not. I am here to assist you when you need it”.    

Live your truth. Yes, if you like. But, figure out what your truth is first. The self is full of contradictions, booby traps, lies, and snake pits. Finding your own road in life is a lifelong adventure – one that often requires borrowing someone else’s map for a while before crafting one’s own. This is the importance of good enough parenting, sports coaching, teaching, strong social structures, therapy and common law. They are all there for a reason – to scaffold the developing self until the individual is able to become truly independent.

To thine own self be true before knowing the self is psychic suicide. Being true to a collection of immature, destructive and normally ‘other-focused’ defence mechanisms does not normally result in any experiences of authenticity. “I’m just living my truth!” as the person walks away from all responsibility and meaning into a hedonistic snake pit because their Instagram guru, who has a million followers, told them to do what feels good. Sure, be the best version of yourself, as long as that version is acceptable to the mass of fame mongers and sex peddlers, while the social media swill bucket promotes the rise to power of cluster B personality constellations unable to regulate even the subtlest hint of personal sentiment: our new leaders and custodians of mental health, politics, and general aestheticism are great.

To thine own self be true … thou canst not then be false to any man. Polonius’ advice to his misguided son is half-witted from the start. When one truly finds one’s self and comes to terms with the often torturous path that brought about this waking up from the illusion of other-imposed developmental glitches, one is then able, easily, to become as temporarily 'false' as one wants without any guilt or shame (although, it's not recommended - one often becomes who they act out). Like a skilled actor changing character from scene to scene or play to play, aware of the differences between each one and able to critique the performance, the persona becomes just that, a persona, a temporary mask to wear in the service of self-preservation or even entertainment. I would say that being consciously 'false' might be akin to being able to regulate oneself. A person who is self-aware could play any social game, could change the goals of the game. The truly ‘awake’ frequently become invigorated by a storehouse of almost limitless energy that is redirected towards ideas and creativity rather than being used in the upkeep of unconscious defence mechanisms and neurotic relational patterns. It is often the defended neurotic and, in actual fact, the narcissist who cannot be false to any man as they both repeat behavioural and relationship patterns over and over again exposing themselves to anyone who knows how to see.   

The 21st century social media self-helpers, qualified only in self-promotion clichés, are the Polonius’ of our time, advising their sons and daughters to regress towards the narcissistic level of consciousness development at the cost of authenticity – devoid of meaning and purpose. Thou canst not then be false to any man. Yes, this is true for both Polonius and Laertes. Both characters are unable to ‘hide’ their dysfunction and both end up dead at the hands of Hamlet: the embodiment of conflict and confusion. The self-helpers’ acolytes ultimately suffer at the hands of life when they realise that an unexamined cliché is just that, a cliché. Eventually, the self is beaten into submission by life’s conflict, confusion, terror, and untaken opportunities. Most people make it through with a few well-earned scars and a lighter more malleable mask; however, some are run through with life’s blade and doomed to live out a resentful and bitter existence.

To thine own self be true? Rather, know thyself and then decide what you would want to be true to. However, this piece is not written to tell you what to do but rather as an opportunity for a contemporary psychotherapist, who is seeing the corruption of his profession first hand, to express his frustrations. My ‘advice’, “do what you like and deal with the consequences – you’ll find your way”.

Trevor Hall psychology logo
MA Counselling Psych (Distinction), Registration Category: Counselling Psychologist, 
Practice No. 0751456, HPCSA No. PS 013 9858, HCPC (UK) No. PYL039116
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